In a relationship, it is important to fight/play fair….but I am a realist and I am aware that this approach is difficult at times. When a conflict arises, how do you handle it? Do you withdraw? Do you become angry and heated? Do you find comfort/solace in a friend or familiar person? Or, do you indulge in a bit of temporary relief, like ice cream or chocolate? I’m not judging anyone’s style of remediation, however, reflect on the reality of whether “your” way is an appropriate and/or effective tactic in regards to taking control of the situation.
Arguments and disagreements happen – it doesn’t mean that there is discontent or loathing for one another! For me, I have found some simple rules to be effective. I have tweaked this system a few times in relation to whom I have had a discrepancy with.
Rule #1: Know your boundaries. There are times when it is okay to walk away and confront the issue(s) later. Is the disagreement something that needs to be confronted right then and there? Weigh the pros and cons and make a decision that is right for you and the other person. Sometimes, the ability to “cool down” can work wonders….
Rule #2: Don’t call me that! In a heated debate/discussion, tempers can sometimes overshadow our ability to be rational. Try not to engage in conversations where there is opportunity to do/say something that will be regrettable. What I’m trying to say is, have respect for one another….
Rule #3: Presume nothing! Do not assume what the other person is thinking, doing or even saying! If the message is unclear, ask….don’t try to decipher some cryptic code that only the other person has the key to. I’m at a point in my life where bluntness is demanded. I need to know what I need to know – I don’t have time to carry on thinking about what-ifs, should-haves or maybe-nots….
Rule #4: That happened last year! In a disagreement, it can become easy to resort to past arguments. Stick with what the discord is about and move forward!…
Rule #5: Bag of tricks. In some situations, outside help may support positive growth in a relationship – whether it is romantic or not. There is help available to anyone who seeks it! Find comfort in a friend, family member or professional, for example, to support a healthy means of resolution or compromise….
All in all, you are the best judge of what you need to effectively problem solve. Love life and remember that some arguments/disagreements/conflicts are healthy. How we choose to remediate them should also reflect healthy strategies as well.